01 January 2015

The Unfolding Next Round - 08/16/18


Greetings,

Breadcrumbs kicked off in 2015.  This is the most current set of ponderings in process, posted here in case something beyond repair happens to this imaginary Me-My-Self-and-I.  It changes a bit every few daze, so stay tuned as interest allows.  At the close of 2018, they will be filed in their respective Breadcrumbs zones – Leftovers, Soundbites, Possible Titles, Corollaries, Possible Last Words & Epitaphs, Breadcrumbs, or Conversations – and then, if the last quarter-plus century of personal history is any indication, another round of dittyfesting will likely relatively quickly blossom from this a-scribing mind.

Link to the PDF of the first six month of 2018:

The Unfolding Next Round

Link to the PDF of Breadcrumbs 2015 through 2017:

Breadcrumbs

The last three years worth of wordplay can be viewed online at the links below.  Note that there may be a number of editing changes in the Breadcrumbs version:

Breadcrumbs & Other 2015

Breadcrumbs & Other 2016

Breadcrumbs & Other 2017

Enjoy in joy as best ye may.

Ciao ciao,

M


LEFTOVERS


Is the mind-body a function of the universe?
Or the universe a function of the mind-body?
Or are they indivisibly, indelibly, one in the same?

* * * *
It is a blend of desire and fear
That has fashioned you into this capricious personality
To which you have succumbed, to which you cling, with such zealous resolve.

* * * *
How to forget everything?
Let go everything false, everything imaginary, everything of space and time,
Everything not here, everything not now.

* * * *
In the melee of statecraft,
It is inevitable that many if not most decisions
Will impact many, and sometimes cause great suffering, even death.
Better to opt for anonymity and serenity if your craving for power over others is not absorbing.
Even the most well-intentioned often find despotism hard to resist.

* * * *
As a horseman uses light reign and balance
To adroitly, calmly, maneuver a horse where he wills,
A wise man dwells in Self to effortlessly shepherd the given mind.

* * * *
The sovereign, indivisible, enigmatic aloneness in which you dwell, in which all things dwell,
Cannot be bought or sold or traded or encapsulated by any word or number or image or symbol.
It is a matchless state, an absolute state; it is the stage, the backdrop, the source, of all dreams of time.

* * * *
Most problems get solved to one degree or another, eventually.
What the hey if it takes a few years, or even a lifetime.
And if you cannot solve it, then sooner or later
Reaper Dude will kick it to the Land of So It Goes.

* * * *
The senses are but mortal devices fashioned by evolution
That are but streaming smokescreens to the indelible, indivisible reality.
Mirages imagined by a nature-nurture mind snared in its dreamy fabrication of time.
Only through doubt, only through detachment, will true Self be discerned.

* * * *
No matter how good it gets for those who strive,
The future is often crumpled in one way or another
For many if not most who were stepped on to get there.

* * * *
The quest for truth is about discerning the ultimate true nature.
To fixate on pleasures like love or bliss, or any other emotional notions,
Is nothing more than the mind’s never-ending thirst for mundane gratification.
Serious inquiry is its own singular, disciplined point and purpose.
Poignant sidebars are but time-bound upshots.

* * * *
The truth of awareness, the truth of what you truly are,
Is the ever-present reality awaiting your untarnished discernment.
Mindsets across this dream world may point to it, may ascribe many dogmas to it,
But none in any way have any ownership of it, or of your direct perception of its indelible mystery.
You are indeed very much alone in your inquiry into the essential, immortal nature.
Put behind any who would deny, any who would limit your quest.

* * * *
Every new day begins with the mind’s slumbering dream-state churning into its waking version,
In which it re-concocts its imaginary perception of its world, of its universe,
Evoked by the conditioning of its nature-nurture mirage.
The dream-state into which you awoke at age two
is not the dream-state you awoke to at age ten or fifteen or thirty,
Nor will it, can it, ever be same at any age before Charon arrives to collect his coin.
You are but a dreamer dreaming, and that reverie, no matter how real or true you believe it to be,
 Is ultimately nothing more than the momentary cotton candy of time-bound imagination.

* * * *
The entirety of human consciousness is potential within all.
How any partake that banquet, that potpourri of natural selection,
 Is founded upon the encoding of the given nature-nurture.
You are current issue of all creation come before.

* * * *
What a wretched species we can be.
Absurd beyond all bounds.
Exceedingly tiring.

* * * *
It is in the stillness of the pure awareness within that you will discern true Self.
The outward show is but time-bound, sensory-based, illusory distraction
From the indivisibility that transcends all beginnings, all endings.

* * * *
The specialist will always trump the generalist in his/her sphere of concentration,
But the generalist will always excel in the pales where only the untamed survive.

* * * *
There is no time.
No time to be attached, no time to be detached.
The space-time continuum and all its appearances are but a kaleidoscoping illusion,
Of which the sensory mind-body partakes but a sliver of its mystery,
And that only artifice tainted further by delusion.

* * * *
There is no observer, only observing.
There is no listener, only listening.
There is no taster, only tasting.
There is no feeler, only feeling.
There is no smeller, only smelling,
And those are but senses feeding into a neural transmitter,
An evolutionary mind whose existence is an unverifiable assumption,
That has yet to be proven more than a temporal illusion born of imagination.
If any other fellow earthling played our absurd game, we would snicker and snigger.

* * * *
All religions and cults are but predictable collections of clichés,
Platitudes, banalities, triteness, truisms, formulas, lies,
Sayings, hypocrisies, insincerities, hokum, tokenisms, false pieties,
Deceptions, deceits, pretenses, propagandas, shams, hooeys, humbugs, hogwash,
Nonsenses, claptraps, baloneys, bunkums, codswallops, rubbishes, gibberish, garbage, lip service, 
And whatever else it takes to get into your wallet, and eventually your progeny’s, as well.

* * * *
You are, have ever been, will ever be, the same eternal, indivisible, sovereign, immortal Self.
It is only the nature-nurture, the times and spaces, the minds and bodies,
The cultures and language, and everything other,
That appear to change.

* * * *
What is so much of any day-to-day in these our modern times but thing management:
Buy it, unpack it, use it, manage it, clean it, repair it, insure it, store it, file it,
Give it, lend it, replace it, upgrade it, trade it, sell it, lose it, toss it,
Remember it, forget it, remember it, forget it, on and on.

* * * *
We cannot all sit in an ashram, nor do we all want to.
Most of us, to whatever capacity we are able,
Fit inquiry into our given day-to-day.

* * * *
Does the world, the universe, exist if you give it no thought?
How can time and space and all it many facades
Ever find home in the no-mind?

* * * *
solipsism | ˈsäləpˌsizəm |
noun

the view or theory that the self is all that can be known to exist.

* * * *
Pleasure and pain are different sides of the same coin,
With just about the same probability in the long haul.

* * * *
Are you able, are you willing,
At least in the here-and-there-every-once-and-awhile,
To boot your world, your universe,
Out of your head?

* * * *
To remain still and clear, even in the most turbulent winds,
The most absurd, intolerable, rancorous moments,
Is indeed one of life’s greater challenges.
Even the most enlightened, most awakened gurus
Surely roll their eyes and grind their teeth every now and then.

* * * *
The mind born of nature-nurture is a quagmire of endless boundaries,
Endless permutations of consciousness playing out a given set of limitations.
Only in pure awareness do all borders dissolve into their quantum indivisibility.
Into the infinity of potentials the grand unicity ever has at the ready.

* * * *
Human emotion is nothing more
Than a concoction of biochemical secretions,
To which consciousness attaches in every way imaginable.

* * * *
Building yourself up
Has a tendency to put everyone else down.
It’s a vanity thing.

* * * *
Humankind is moving very quickly towards a great lesson
In the statistical reality, the statistical certainty,
That what goes up must come down.

* * * *
Freedom is a quality of mind.
Get off the trail.
Make you own journey.

* * * *
We are all tedious recordings that all the people around us
Have likely had to patiently endure more than a few past too many times.
That it would be kind to shut up more than occasionally might well be an understatement.

* * * *
Not everything needs to be experienced over and over.
Sometimes one quick taste is more than enough
To gain entry into the statistical sample.

* * * *
Despite all your wishing and hoping
To be somewhere else other than right-here-right now,
It just ain’t ever-never going to happen.

* * * *
We are all shaped of the same indivisible quantum clayness.
Each and every one imagining existence real and true in their own very unique way.
All are nothing more than touchy-feely, three-dimensional dreams,
To which only vain notion can be attached.

* * * *
Creation and preservation and destruction
Are a simultaneous, every-moment, timeless process,
Played out in the indivisible, unborn-undying quantum matrix.

* * * *
The eternal mystery of awareness
Beneath an anonymous, ever-kaleidoscoping mask,
Is all you truly are, all you have ever truly been, all you will ever truly be.
If seers keep repeating the same mantra over and over, it is because that is all it boils down to
Every time the vanity of any given monkey mind yearns for more.

* * * *
However immeasurable the universe and all its creations,
It ever begins with the eternal awareness you are right now.

* * * *
Christ was not a Christian, why should you be?
Buddha was not a Buddhist, why should you be?
Lao Tzu was not a Taoist, why should you be?
Ist’s and Ism’s, what are they to the eternal?

* * * *
mantra | ˈmantrə |
noun

(originally in Hinduism and Buddhism)
a word or sound repeated to aid concentration in meditation.

• a Vedic hymn.

• a statement or slogan repeated frequently:
the environmental mantra that energy has for too long been too cheap.

their newest mantra is "stay connected":
slogan, motto, maxim, catchphrase, catchword, watchword, byword, buzzword, tag (line).

* * * *
How many universes might there be on the head of a pin.
And dimensions, well, that’s another ditty lost in the mound.

* * * *
Politics and diplomacy are obtuse art forms
In which directness only rarely finds welcome.

* * * *
Odds are the common sense you assume real and true
Is only common to you and those with whom you ally.

* * * *
The flame of the vanities – power, fame, fortune – singes all and burns many.
Of a quiet, tranquil, trouble-free, unassuming existence, little needs be said.

* * * *
Peering out through the sensory screen of eyes and ears and tongue and nose and skin:
What do you see? What do you hear? What do you taste? What do you smell? What do you touch?
And what makes you so sure it is real, has ever been real, will ever be real?

* * * *
Are all those little labels to which you so zealously cling
Anything more than patches in a piecemeal raft
Slowly breaking up in a vast abyss.

* * * *
True wealth has little to do with money or things.
It is a quality of mind for the truly affluent,
And the curse of mindlessness for those
For whom enough is never enough.

* * * *
To wander as you please, to stop and examine whatever you please,
In whatever way you please, for as long as you please, to whatever end you please,
Is the way of the maverick, the questioner, the skeptic, the cynic, the doubter, the critical thinker.

* * * *
Memory, evolved in the jungles of Africa
As a means to survival in the long, oh so long ago,
Has become a means to  every trivial pursuit imaginable.

* * * *
The rule of law – defined as the restriction of the arbitrary exercise of power
By subordinating it to well-defined and established laws – can be a ponderous beast.
A beast whose judgments – everything merciful, everything harsh – are cloaked in precedent.

* * * *
Imagine if the gladiator contests of Rome had been televised:
Close-ups of men and animals in savage, bloody, lethal competitions,
With slow-motion replays of indescribably painful moments of extermination,
And the mob – eating hot dogs, drinking beer – roaring for its favorites.
Thumbs up or down, so many circuses born of the human mind.

* * * *
If you had but eyes, your universe would be but sight.
If you had but an ear, your universe would be but sound.
If you had but a mouth, your universe would be but taste.
If you had but a nose, your universe would be but smell.
If you had but skin, your universe would be but touch.
And what would your universe be with but a mind?

* * * *
If nature is your god, and you are a mind-body born of nature,
Then idolatry is really nothing more than another form of narcissism.

* * * *
All belief, all tradition, all dogma, all speculation, is nothing more than imaginary confabulation
Of the mind ever seeking security, ever assuming there must be an answer to the insoluble unknown.

* * * *
Why should there be, how can there be, any who?
Why should there be, how can there be, any what?
Why should there be, how can there be, any where?
Why should there be, how can there be, any when?
Why should there be, how can there be, any why?
Why should there be, how can there be, any how?

* * * *
The mind ever tries to control the what is, but it never can, never has, never will,
Because the space-time born of consciousness is not real,
Never has been, will never be.

* * * *
The world will do everything it can
To drag you back to its illusion
Inspired by your delusion.

* * * *
What is an eclipse but one relatively large piece of orbiting dust
Getting between another relatively large piece of dust and a nuclear-powered flashlight.
Yet another relatively inflated example of much ado about nothing
In the relativity of the human absurdity.

* * * *
We are all sorry we did a lot of things.
We are all sorry we did not do a lot of things.
So it goes, oh well, deal with it, get over it, move on.

* * * *
Humankind’s domestication of this garden world
Is but a relatively temporary reign.
Darwin will rise again.

* * * *
The universe is a quantum matrix; a timeless, indivisible, indelible, vibratory theater.
Every life form has its own unique relationship with its enigmatic mystery.
In humankind, it is through the eyes that the mind discerns light;
Ears, sound; tongue, taste; nose, smell; flesh, touch.
What would your cosmos, your world, be,
With even one or two or three less, much less all.

* * * *
Nothing really matters,
Nothing really does not matter,
Matter being what it is, and what it is not.

* * * *
What some call negativity, pessimism, skepticism, doubt, cynicism,
To the rational mind of the critical thinker, is merely the way it is.

* * * *
hierophant | ˈhī(ə)rəˌfant |
noun

a person, especially a priest in ancient Greece,
who interprets sacred mysteries or esoteric principles.

* * * *
conditioning | kənˈdɪʃənɪŋ |

noun

1  check the condition of your wiring: state, shape, order.

2  they lived in appalling conditions:
circumstances, surroundings, environment, situation, setup, setting, habitat.

3  she was in top condition: fitness, health, form, shape, trim, fettle.

4  a liver condition:
disorder, problem, complaint, illness, disease, ailment, sickness, affliction, infection, upset.

5  a condition of membership:
stipulation, constraint, prerequisite, precondition, requirement,
rule, term, specification, provision, proviso.

verb

1  their choices are conditioned by the economy:
constrain, control, govern, determine, decide; affect, touch; form, shape, guide, sway, bias.

2  our minds are conditioned by habit:
train, teach, educate, guide; accustom, adapt, habituate, mold, inure.

3  condition the boards with water:
treat, prepare, prime, temper, process, acclimatize, acclimate, season.

4  a product to condition your skin:
improve, nourish, tone (up), moisturize.

* * * *
greed | ɡrēd |
noun

intense and selfish desire for something, especially wealth, power, or food.

greed, greediness

1  human greed: avarice, cupidity, acquisitiveness, covetousness, rapacity; materialism, mercenariness; rare pleonexia; informal money-grubbing, affluenza. ANTONYMS  generosity.

2  her mouth watered with greed: gluttony, hunger, voracity, insatiability; gourmandism, intemperance, overeating, self-indulgence; informal piggishness. ANTONYMS  temperance.

3  their greed for power: desire, appetite, hunger, thirst, craving, longing, lust, yearning, hankering; avidity, eagerness; informal yen, itch. ANTONYMS indifference.

* * * *
vanity | ˈvanədē |
noun (plural vanities)

1  excessive pride in or admiration of one's own appearance or achievements: it flattered his vanity to think I was in love with him | the personal vanities and ambitions of politicians.

• [as modifier] denoting a person or company that publishes works at the author's expense: a vanity press.

2  the quality of being worthless or futile: the vanity of human wishes.

3  North American a dressing table.

• US a bathroom unit consisting of a washbasin typically set into a counter with a cabinet beneath.

1  she had none of the vanity often associated with beautiful women: conceit, narcissism, self-love, self-admiration, self-absorption, self-regard, egotism; pride, arrogance, boastfulness, cockiness, swagger, rodomontade; informal big-headedness; literary vainglory. ANTONYMS  modesty.

2  the vanity of all desires of the will: futility, uselessness, pointlessness, worthlessness, fruitlessness.


* * * *
* * * *
* * * *


SOUNDBITES


How often does either/or really exist in the gray of relativity?

* * * *
The only absolute is absoluteness itself.

* * * *
Much of aging is about wrestling with consequences.

* * * *
Forever moot.

* * * *
Whatever you may think of death, it is an inevitable fact.

* * * *
Where is the world, where is the universe, if you do not remember it.

* * * *
Whatever hope there was, washed away in the pain.

* * * *
Eternity is no more than a heartbeat away.

* * * *
In the Land of Irony and Paradox, more is less, and less, more.

* * * *
There was no before, there will be no after, there is only the ephemeral now.

* * * *
To return to square one is an adventure to which only the rare aspire.

* * * *
What need does a sage firmly grounded in the indivisible have for any mythology?

* * * *
Just because you do not like it, does not mean it is not true.

* * * *
The universe is but an imaginary sheen in your imaginary mind.

* * * *
The way of the monkey: for some futures to rise, others must fall.

* * * *
So many things that do not matter; never did, never will.

* * * *
Supply will do what ever it must to gratify demand’s hunger.

* * * *
Eternity is closer than you think.

* * * *
You are that prior to all advents.

* * * *
Better to focus on reality than the illusion of reality.

* * * *
The truth of awareness awaits your discernment.

* * * *
To believe totally in nothing is the realm of the no-mind.

* * * *
Danger, Will Robinson! Danger!

* * * *
It is probably not about you.

* * * *
The imaginary Me-Myself-and-I awakens again.

* * * *
Righteousness and self-righteousness are two very different states of mind.

* * * *
You can do just about anything once and awhile, but you cannot do anything all the time.

* * * *
What happens to the mind when it ceases creating its universe?

* * * *
Sound oxygen management is always good policy.

* * * *
What is death but the end of caring.

* * * *
Enough is never enough for more than a few.

* * * *
The challenge may not be as much about finding the truth as it is letting go the false.

* * * *
Big Bang or Big Speculation?

* * * *
Responding, not reacting, to the body-mind’s chemical-electrical storms is the challenge.

* * * *
Play the mask.

* * * *
Regarding being completely and utterly detached, it is far easier to talk about.

* * * *
Windows of time watching history unfold.

* * * *
Even the village idiot may discern gleaning of wisdom on rare occasion.

* * * *
Existence may be painful, but is it better than nothing?

* * * *
Scars in both body and mind are the reminders of your many misadventures.

* * * *
Your sovereignty is the quantum source within.

* * * *
Minding  your own business, keeping your nose on your own face, is always good policy.

* * * *
Nothing defies gravity forever.

* * * *
In the grand scheme of things, it does not matter one iota that we think we know so much.

* * * *
Is beauty really even skin deep?

* * * *
Show me a boundary, and I will show you it is but an imaginary figment in your mind.

* * * *
Time is a concept to which you need not submit.

* * * *
Everything is born of arbitrary assumption.

* * * *
Critical thinking is the chasm between sage and fool.

* * * *
Those forever seeking have yet to really stop and look.

* * * *
Ignorance is its own bewitchment.

* * * *
Memes all.

* * * *
The Fates are indifferent to yours.

* * * *
DNA weary.

* * * *
The artificial concoctions of the human paradigm are continuous and unceasing.

* * * *
How many so-called great warriors have never fought the greatest battle within?

* * * *
Winning is not always the priority; surviving, abiding, is often the more realistic outcome.

* * * *
When it comes to watermelons, best leave the heart, or at least part of it, for last.

* * * *
Whether you recline, sit, stand, walk, or run, it all passes the same.

* * * *
What a great deal of work it takes to do nothing well.

* * * *
We are kindly served by so many distractions, so few of which really matter.

* * * *
How much does imagination require to see it is but an illusion?

* * * *
How focused ambition must be in order to fulfill great desire.

* * * *
A few deep breaths can inspire greater courage than any set of neuron sparks.

* * * *
How can you imagine any speculation but less true?

* * * *
All that feasting and you’re still hungry!?

* * * *
To a true believer, it really matters, and woe unto those who differ.

* * * *
True contentment is being at peace with the everything that is nothing all the while.

* * * *
Layers of subtlety are the hallmark of a sage’s thinking.

* * * *
What is death but a dream forever extinguished.

* * * *
Desire will carry on for as long as you are driven mad by its siren call.

* * * *
You are the quantum breeze.

* * * *
Is that all? Seriously!?

* * * *
And what do you hunger for today?

* * * *
Consciousness an insatiable beast that will not easily die.

* * * *
No projection of imagination, no matter how lucid, how fearless, has ever been real.


* * * *
* * * *
* * * *


POSSIBLE TITLES


Wrestling With Consequence

* * * *
Forever Moot

* * * *
The Serendipity Chronicles

* * * *
The Land of Irony and Paradox

* * * *
The Real Virtual Reality
* * * *
The Way of the Monkey: For Some Futures to Rise, Others Must Fall

* * * *
The Decline and Fall of Manifest Destiny

* * * *
Tales of Vanity and Avarice

* * * *
The Lies of Vanity

* * * *
The Lies of Greed​

* * * *
Square One

* * * *
The Return to Square One

* * * *
American Yogi

* * * *
Dream World

* * * *
The Reconfiguring

* * * *
Danger, Will Robinson! Danger!

* * * *
Curse You, Mr. Edison!

* * * *
The Show

* * * *
The Imaginary Me-Myself-and-I

* * * *
Solipsism

* * * *
It Is Probably Not About You

* * * *
Thing Management

* * * *
Watching History Unfold

* * * *
Nowadaze

* * * *
Quipmeister

* * * *
Play the Mask

* * * *
The End of Heaven

* * * *
The End of Hell

* * * *
The End of Perdition

* * * *
When Enough is Never Enough

* * * *
It’s a Vanity Thing

* * * *
Your Sovereignty is the Source Within

* * * *
One Defying Gravity

* * * *
The Scars of Imagination

* * * *
The Savage Truth

* * * *
The Indivisible Truth

* * * *
Lessons in Statistics

* * * *
The End of Permission

* * * *
Nothing Ever Happens

* * * *
The Maverick

* * * *
Memes All

* * * *
DNA Weary

* * * *
The Fates Are Indifferent to Yours

* * * *
A Rumor of Existence

* * * *
Lives of Pain

* * * *
The Time-Bound Mind

* * * *
The Human Absurdity

* * * *
Quantum Breeze

* * * *
The Isle of Possibilities

* * * *
The Art of Babble

* * * *
The King’s Whore

* * * *
The Queen’s Whore

* * * *
The First Option

* * * *
The Best Option

* * * *
The Worst Option

* * * *
The Last Option


* * * *
* * * *
* * * *


COROLLARIES


Doug Honeywell’s candid response to these writings:
Nice words, but they don’t do anything for me.
Yaj Ekim’s Corollary:
Not sure they do all that much for me, either, frankly,
But they keep bubbling into consciousness,
And I ain’t got nothing much better to do most daze.
Temporal gratification of the creative mind; ain’t it wonderful.

* * * *
Sandra Maa (Sandra Heber-Percy):
Referring to a caricature of a donkey pursuing the Carrot of Enlightenment
That is attached to the Stick of Desire tied on its back, Sandra asks:
Is the promise of infinite bliss the carrot for the donkey?
Yaj Ekim’s Corollary:
If there is no more carrot, no more stick, no more seeking, no more ​seeker​,
Who is left to hee, who is left to haw​​, in that infinite liberation?
Existence, and all the illusions and delusions to which so many are so attached,
May be very painful, but is it better than nothing? … And who is asking? ... Who is answering?

* * * *
Abraham Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address:
Four score and seven years ago
Our fathers brought forth on this continent a new nation,
Conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.

Yaj Ekim’s Corollary:
Do not be deluded about the fact that the United States of America,
With its Declaration of Independence, Constitution, Bill of Rights, and who knows how many laws,
Was founded upon the genocide of the Americans who inhabited it long before Columbus,
The enslavement of tribal peoples abducted from their village homes in Africa,
And destruction and annihilation all across the planet ever since.

George Orwell in Animal Farm:
All animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others.

Thucydides in the History of the Peloponnesian Wars:
Right, as the world goes, is only in question between equals in power,
While the strong do what they can and the weak suffer what they must.


* * * *
* * * *
* * * *


POSSIBLE LAST WORDS & EPITAPHS


* * * *
* * * *
* * * *


BREADCRUMBS


One foot planted upon the quantum ground,
And the other afloat in an unknown abyss.

* * * *
The beginning of corruption can be but a Banyan seed,
Or even a Tootsie Roll covertly snatched from a grocery store shelf,
And too hastily, too greedily, opened in the rear seat of the family station wagon.
The world only saved, at least for a bit, by a mother’s ever-constant virtue,
A mumbled apology to the cashier, and plea that a father not be told.
Memo to Self:  If you’re going to be a thief, be smart about it.

* * * *
My many opinions, my many views, my many generalizations,
May often be flip and overdone – gospel they are not, and hopefully will never be –
So best accept, best believe none of them without due consideration.
Critical thinking is the chasm between sage and fool.

* * * *
I mind my own business.
How about you do the same?

* * * *
A harbor for political correctness, I am not.

* * * *
Pretty sure I did not intend to offend, but some people are just too thin-skinned avoid it.

* * * *
For the want of a pen, a thought was lost.

* * * *
In some musty, ancient, gray basement of the Ivory Tower, reside I,
Knowing enough to know I perchance know a little something,
But very little compared to the ethereal layers of the scholarly keep above,
Spiraling so high, so pristinely, so unequivocally, into the exalted realms of imagination.

* * * *
Alas that your bladder shall have to wait for mine.

* * * *
The rut grows daily deeper, and the calls to action daily fewer.

* * * *
I am kindly served by so many distractions, so few of which anymore matter.

* * * *
The ability, the courage, to walk up to total strangers and start a conversation,
Was a talent that Lyle displayed again and again to his shy friend.
It was but an ember when he departed so very young;
A gift parlayed in many ways ever since.

* * * *
I have worked very hard to do nothing.

* * * *
Christen once called me a hierophant:
A person, especially a priest in ancient Greece,
Who interprets sacred mysteries or esoteric principles.

* * * *
There was an epoch to witness, to write,
And disperse across the planet in the many ways
This contemporary dreamtime offered.
This is what I was born to do.
How utterly amazing
To have been given the opportunity.


* * * *
* * * *
* * * *


CONVERSATIONS


A woman named Elizabeth Castro had posted links to my first website created during a six-week course at Humboldt State in 1999.  Below is an email sent to update it to the website licensed by Network Solutions and hosted on the Creative Alternatives server:

New Gallery Entries

November 30, 1999

Thanks to all of you who have submitted entries for my "Created with HTML 4 VQS Gallery" page. I've finally gotten a new set of links up and running. Take a look. While this is one of my most time consuming jobs, it's also one of my favorites. I love seeing what you've all created with my book. In this new batch, you'll find Michael Holshouser's Zen musings, Michael Spry's compelling discussions about adoption (and theme parks), Phil Silva's wooden bows, John Clifton's Sydney Electric Train Society page, Heather Butlin's gorgeous hand painted silk scarves, Martha Cox' Go Take A Hike site, David Johnson's Tierra Pintada studio, and much more.

I've also added "New" flags so you can quickly pick out the new offerings. Please let me know if you find corrections that should be made. Thanks.

And yes, I do plan to split the Gallery entries into multiple pages, just as soon as I can!

-----
Elizabeth Castro: Contact Me

There was a time when I responded to almost all my email. I worried over it morning and night, I spent hours each week. Two things changed. First, I finally realized I simply could not keep up with it. And second, I began to get more than 300 spam messages a day. Nevertheless, I know what it's like to feel completely stuck and not know where to get help. I have provided a help forum here on my site so that readers can help each other. And here is a contact form that you can use to write me. While I may not respond to every message, please know that I do read them all, and appreciate your comments and feedback. I especially like seeing the web sites that you've created!

Only the email and comments fields are required. (My privacy policy is to never share email addresses with anyone. Period.)

Name
Last Name
Email
Confirm email
Subject

Your comments here:

Type the contents of this image please:

Thanks!

Elizabeth Castro

-----
Hey, Liz,

Just to let you know the "Zen musings" you refer to in the posting made on 11/30/99 at http://www.cookwood.com/html4_4e/news/index.html are now at a different web address in case you want to update the link.

The Stillness Before Time
http://www.thestillnessbeforetime.com/

The Return to Wonder
http://thereturntowonder.blogspot.com/

Also, my email address is longer than the field allows:
mholshouser@creative-alternatives.org

Thanks for your HTML book, and for sharing my website.

Ciao, ciao,

Michael

* * * *
A fax sent to Bare Bones Software sales department on March 26, 2008, regarding getting an update of their BBEdit HTML software:

I recently purchased an Apple MacBook with Leopard OS X Version 10.5.2.  Please send an update of your BBEdit software that was purchased on February 20, 2007.  The customer Number was 46763150, and the Order Number 125898515.  My email address is mholshouser@creative-alternatives.org, and the registration address is 1112-4 Cedar Creek Drive, Modesto CA 95355-5213.  I downloaded your 30-day update the other day, and look forward to using your product for years to come.  Copies of all supporting emails are attached.

Thanks,

Michael

PS  If you're philosophically inclined, and are interesting in seeing my rudimentary  use of BBEdit, check out The Stillness before Time at http://www.thestillnessbeforetime.com/.

* * * *
Letter sent to Modesto Junior College English professor, Russ Kelly, with a copy of “The Stillness Before Time”:

December 26, 2014

John Russell Kelly
519 Mensinger Avenue
Modesto, CA 95350

Dear Russ,

It popped into mind the other day to share with you what became of one your former intro English students from back in the early 70's.  Your kick-start with Vonnegut, Brautigan, and whatever else was on the reading list, somehow led to Camus, Hesse, Voltaire, Nietzsche, Krishnamurti, Lao Tzu, Buddha, Shankara, Nisargadatta, and so many others.  They, and all the other adventures this life has offered, gradually unlocked the mind, and sent it on an unexpected journey down the solitary pathless.

Teaching is a tough sport, and I just wanted to thank you for putting up with my youthful foolishness in the way back when.  If education is about more than merely getting a job, then I would say, for all your effort, at least in one case, probably more, mission accomplished.

Hope you are doing well and enjoying your well-earned retirement.

Best wishes,

M

* * * *
Letter sent to Ursula K. Le Guin with a copy of “The Stillness Before Time”:

August 30, 2004

Ursula K. Le Guin
P.O. Box 10541 
Portland OR 97206-0541

Dear Mrs. Le Guin,

After watching the re-make of The Lathe to Heaven last weekend, I scrolled through your bibliography, and realized what a subliminal impact your writing has had on my existence. 
The Books of Earthsea were a quiet inspiration in my youthful wandering, and I recall thinking many times of Ged as I taught myself to sail.  And your interpretation of the Tao Te Ching picked up a couple years back resides comfortably with several other versions on the bookshelf.

So it occurred to me to share with you the philosophical/mystical outcome of it all.  A 50-page selection of aphorisms and essays from a large outpouring that began in the late 80’s.  Nothing that hasn’t already been said in one form or another many times by many people in many places.  Just a new version that bubbled into mind, was enjoyable to jot down, and no doubt could use some more of that endless revising we both enjoy.

The Stillness Before Time
http://www.thestillnessbeforetime.com

Hope you find it interesting, and thank you for your contribution to my dream.

Sincerely,

M

P.S.  In response to your website comments about people sending you unsolicited material, I also want to let you know that I’m not looking for you to send this on to an agent or publisher, or for a blurb to put on a cover. This is strictly a sharing thing that you needn’t feel obligated to even answer.  Writing is one of the many “general puttering” things I intrinsically enjoy, and playing the “getting published” game is, by my reckoning, a great deal of bother that I have managed, thus far, to get by well enough without.

* * * *
Dawn Eden Fletcher was a friend from the Los Gatos and Chico years who attempted to get my writings published by a number of publishing houses.  She mailed out a letter I put together.  No word from the Dead Poets Society:

November 14, 2002

Dawn,

Here’s the updated draft of our little letter.  Let me know if you have any more suggestions or corrections.

Now the big question is who to send it to.  Enclosed is a list of some publishers collected back early in the game.   Sent copies off to the ones with addresses and got a small collection of nice rejection letters.

After that, I just decided to give it away in whatever way was made available, which included quite a few copies made at Kinko’s, and the web site designed at Humboldt State.

So at this point, even if no one ever publishes it, hundreds of people, maybe even into the low thousands, have it out there, doing with it whatever the winds of time do with such things. The title really should be The Silliness of Time.

Let me know which publishers you think we should aim toward, and I’ll print up copies and get them to you for signatures.

Thanks,

Michael

-----
Bantam New Age Books
666 Fifth Avenue
New York, NY 10103

To Whom It May Concern:

At the web site http://www.thestillnessbeforetime.com is a spiritual/philosophical work
I recommend you consider publishing.  The Stillness Before Time by Michael Holshouser is, I believe, a viewpoint that many people would find both interesting and relevant.

Back in the 70’s and 80’s, I owned and operated a bookstore in Los Gatos called Walden Pond Books.  If I hadn’t retired, and it was available, this book would be in a prominent position on a table near the entrance.  I think it would do well as a palm-sized edition for gifts and carry-alongs.  The Stillness Before Time is just a small fraction of Michael’s total writing, so there would be much more material available if it became popular.

Michael may be contacted any of the following ways:             

1112-4 Cedar Creek Drive
Modesto CA 95355-5213

(209) 668-5732 (Home)
(209) 634-9736 (Work)


I hope you will give his thoughts serious consideration.  Please feel free to contact me if you have any further questions or comments. 

Sincerely,

Dawn Eden Fletcher

* * * *
An unsolicited letter sent care of J.K. Rowling publisher.  Returned with an apologetic explanation that they had a policy of not interfering with Rowling’s creative process: 

J.K. Rowling
c/o Bloomsbury Publishing
36 Soho Square
London
W1D 3QY
England

New Year’s Eve
January 31, 2007

Dear Ms. Rowling,

The other day I was reading the article about you in Time Magazine, and what caught my eye were the comments about religion, and your awareness of the role doubt plays.  Don’t know that you’ll find it of interest, but enclosed is a self-published work that came out of my spiritual free fall back in the 90’s.  Not really marketable I’ve been told, but enough people have found it suited them, that now and again I print out a handful on the nearest copy machine.

I’m sending it to you as sort of a thank you for all the enjoyment I’ve gotten from your Harry Potter books and movies.  What enviable story-telling skills you have.  I’ve never had the knack or ambition to do more than newspaper articles, emails, brochures and the like, and these days about all I’m good for is wandering about and jotting down aphoristic silliness.  A curious thing it is, what each of us feels called to do with our relatively few journeys around the sun.

And while I’m at it, thought I’d pass on an idea for a Christmas children’s story that came to mind many years ago, but never got around to being more than an occasional ponder. I’m not sure if the British version of Santa and crew is as crazed as what we do on this side of the world, but because you obviously have the ability to weave it into something fun, you’re welcome to use it free gratis if it appeals to you.

Basically, it’s a story that’s never been fully explained of how Santa Claus carries all the toys to kids around the world.  In a nutshell, Santa has an evil twin brother at the South Pole who steals Santa’s magic shrinking bag (much like what you came up with in Deathly Hallows) a week before Christmas.  A small band of unlikely heroes (e.g., a couple of mischievous young elves, the errant son of Rudolf, a young dragon who keeps thing warm the Village, and so on and so forth) set out to take on dark elves, dragons, werewolves, sea creatures and other evil sorts at the bottom of the world.  After a variety of near-calamitous adventures, they, of course, win back the bag just in time to save Christmas.

Kind of passé nowadays (what with Lord of the Rings, Dragon Riders, Eragon, Earthsea, Star Wars, the Grinch, Rudolf, your stuff, and who knows what else), but it might have done something twenty or so years ago when it first came to mind.  And it still might be a kick given the right imagination, writing ability and illustrations.  Who knows, you might knock out another niche in storytelling history. So, although you no doubt already have a feast of prospects and commitments, this little morsel of an idea is yours if you want it (Yes, this can be considered a binding legal release -- I’m planning, dullingly bureaucratic as it is, on keeping my day job). Or, if you’re not interested, but know someone who is, feel free to pass on.  It would just be interesting, if it has redeeming value, to see it come to some sort of fruition.

I’ll sign off here with a last congratulations on your on having been able to accomplish your dreams so eloquently.  It’s very pleasing to know that someone reasonably deserving has done well without trampling over others to get there.  I look forward to seeing all the ways in which you will use your influence and means to do good things for family, friends, acquaintances and who knows how many strangers.  And also, of course, to reading whatever creative enterprises are brewing away in the epicenter of your most excellent imagination.

Well, it’s New Year’s Eve, and time to wander into the night to celebrate the beginning of yet another year with a pint of amber ale and a shot of something cognac.  And after that, the annual viewing of The Lord of the Rings into the wee hours.

Enjoy the show.  Best wishes, always.

Sincerely,

M

* * * *
Email to Jeff Nichol, one of the many former bosses at Creative Alternatives, on December 6, 2015

Yo, Colonel Jeff,

Good seeing you last night.  Congrats on what looks like the third-time-is-a-charm match with Carrie.  Below for your amusement if the rabbit hole ever beckons are the website and other key links to what I'll be leaving behind for what dreams may come – somewhere in the neighborhood of 4,000 pages of babble-on at this writing, and the main reason I retired – with the customary vanity-vanity-all-is-vanity caveat.  A curious fate to have been tasked – nothing I would have ever even guessed in the way-back-when – but so it goes.

Meanwhile, keep on keeping on.  Stop in at the Geerbucks if you ever have a few hours to burn. Bwahahahaha, so to speak.

Ciao, ciao

M


Website

The Stillness Before Time

Main Blogs

The Stillness Before Time

The Ponderings of Yaj Ekim

The Return to Wonder

Breadcrumbs

PDF's

The Stillness Before Time

The Ponderings of Yaj Ekim

Facebook

Michael Holshouser

Le Fichier Circulaire de Michaël

And If I was locked in a deep dark dungeon or cast forgotten upon a desert isle, the one book I would want of all these eyes have read would be the "Ashtavakra Gita" out of the Hindu tradition.  It is go-directly-to-the-rabbit-hole-do-not-stop-to-smell-the-flowers-game-over stuff.  Everything these hands have scribbled is jabber in comparison.  Below are seven translations.

An overview:

Wikipedia: Ashtavakra Gita

Seven translations:

The Heart of Awareness (Byrom)

Ashtavakra Gita (Marshall)

Bitten by the Black Snake (Schoch)

A Duet of One (Balsekar)

Ashtavakra Gita (Richards)

Astavakra Samhita (Wood)

Ashtavakra Gita (Vedic)

The last chapter of all seven translations:

Ashtavakra Gita: I Am Shiva

* * * *
Response to an article from cousin Steve:

Why you should think twice before getting in a pool
https://www.popsci.com/pool-germs

Since it's right across the street, I enjoy an hour or two doing what I call Aqua Chi -- repetitive movement of arms and legs every which way -- in the club pool almost every day, but I never put my head underwater anymore for all the reasons cited in this article.  Am very conscious of food, air, and waterborne life forms at this writing.  Ignorance was bliss, but a little knowledge keeps me in the game.

And I would never own my own pool or spa, even if I was the only one using it.  Way too much bother, way too expensive.  A $35-a-month club membership is nothing in comparison for all the time I spend over there.

* * * *
Back and forth with Joe Warda​ on an article I sent:​

Awakening from the Autobiographical Self
https://theheartofconsciousliving.wordpress.com/2015/08/21/awakening-from-the-autobiographical-self/

I had to read a couple of times and now I'm thinking about it!!!

So perhaps I won't be hearing about you again anytime ever.​

* * * *
Back and forth with Joseph McMahon on an article I sent:​

Moi:  Here's an article I think you'll appreciate:

Awakening from the Autobiographical Self
https://theheartofconsciousliving.wordpress.com/2015/08/21/awakening-from-the-autobiographical-self/

Joseph:  Hi Michael, funny, I’ve been sitting here reading your book for the last half hour... really loving it... I’ll take a look at the link when I get home... Thank you!

Moi:  Sitting in my neighborhood Starbucks transcribing yesterday's ramblings. Putting together an updated PDF of this year's babble for the website titled, 'The Unfolding Next Round' – Over 400 pages, so far.  Will send you the link when it's up and running.

Joseph:  Ha! I’m in my neighborhood Starbucks, too!  A lot of discernment and contemplation/peace can be had in the busy marketplace for a quiescent mind ... I look forward to the link.

Moi:  A friend turned me onto Denny's, Sambo's, Hobo Joe’s, and the like, back in early college, and coffee shops have been my forum ever since.

Joseph:  There is something about being in the midst of activity and being thought-free simultaneously ... this is why I really enjoy your writings ... you seem to be able to express it … I can’t … at least not yet … I seem to have landed in a sort of emptiness ... I can appreciate the movement of mind but I’m drawn to the non-movement of mind ... and then, what is left to say.​

Moi:  Wake up ... fall asleep ... wake up ... fall asleep ... is how it is for me. I go back and forth between the time-bound and the timeless like a ping pong ball.  That's why the articulation keeps simmering.  Haven't quite hit that point where I'm ready to play Buddha in a park, or stare at a wall all day.

Joseph:  Hi Michael, sounds familiar ... I call it a non-abiding awakening … it feels like one can only go just so far and then something else has to sort of take over and finish it off ... surrendered ... living in both worlds ... today was 4th of July and we had company ... I was keenly aware of both the concept of ‘July 4th’ and the non-existence of it throughout the day while interacting with family and friends ... it just doesn’t feel ‘finished’ yet here.​

Just finished reading the link you sent me ... very clear and succinct ... yes, the ‘new’ awakened voice bantering in the head as the new ‘me’ ... another layer of the onion to peel.

Moi:  Consciousness is a beast that will not easily die ... Happy, oh happy, 4th of July.

Last night's dittyfest while picnicking solo, waiting for the fireworks at the nearby university to begin.

LEFTOVERS

If you had but eyes, your universe would be but sight.
If you had but an ear, your universe would be but sound.
If you had but a mouth, your universe would be but taste.
If you had but a nose, your universe would be but smell.
If you had but skin, your universe would be but touch.
And what would your universe be with but a mind?

* * * *
It is eyes that create light and shape and color.
Ears, sound; tongue, taste; nose, smell; flesh, touch.
What would your universe, your world, be
With even one less, much less all.

* * * *
The mind ever tries to control the what is, but it never can, never has, never will,
Because the space-time born of consciousness is not real,
Never has been, will never be.

* * * *
The world will do everything it can
To drag you back to its illusion
Inspired by your delusion.

* * * *
What is an eclipse but one relatively large piece of orbiting dust
Getting between another relatively large piece of dust and a nuclear-powered flashlight.
Yet another relatively inflated example of much ado about nothing
In the relativity of the human absurdity.

* * * *
Humankind’s domestication of this garden world
Is but a relatively temporary reign.
Darwin will rise again.

* * * *
Nothing really matters,
Nothing really does not matter,
Matter being what it is, and what it is not.

* * * *
What some call negativity, pessimism, skepticism, doubt, cynicism,
To the rational mind of the critical thinker, is merely the way it is.

* * * *
hierophant | ˈhī(ə)rəˌfant |
noun

a person, especially a priest in ancient Greece,
who interprets sacred mysteries or esoteric principles.

SOUNDBITES

How many so-called great warriors have never fought the greatest battle within?

* * * *
What a great deal of work it takes to do nothing well.

* * * *
How much does imagination require to see it is but an illusion?

* * * *
How focused ambition must be in order to fulfill great desire.

* * * *
A few deep breaths can inspire greater courage than any set of neuron sparks.

* * * *
How can you imagine any speculation but less true?

* * * *
All that feasting and you’re still hungry!?

* * * *
To a true believer, it really matters, and woe unto those who differ.

* * * *
True contentment is being at peace with the everything that is nothing all the while.

* * * *
Layers of subtlety are the hallmark of a sage’s thinking.

* * * *
What is death but a dream forever extinguished.

* * * *
Desire will carry on for as long as you are driven mad by its siren call.

* * * * 
You are the quantum breeze.

* * * *
Is that all? Seriously!?

* * * *
Consciousness an insatiable beast that will not easily die.

* * * *
No projection of imagination, no matter how lucid, how fearless, has ever been real.

POSSIBLE TITLES

A Rumor of Existence

* * * *
Lives of Pain

* * * *
The Time-Bound Mind

* * * *
The Human Absurdity

* * * *
Quantum Breeze

* * * *
The King’s Whore

* * * *
The Queen’s Whore

BREADCRUMBS

The ability, the courage, to walk up to total strangers and start a conversation,
Was a talent that Lyle displayed again and again to his shy friend.
It was but an ember when he departed so very young;
A gift parlayed in many ways ever since.

* * * *
I have worked very hard to do nothing.

* * * *
Christine once called me a hierophant:
A person, especially a priest in ancient Greece,
Who interprets sacred mysteries or esoteric principles.

* * * *
There was an epoch to witness, to write,
And disperse across the planet in the many ways
This contemporary dreamtime offered.
This is what I was born to do.
How utterly amazing
To have been given the opportunity.

Joseph:  Great stuff... I like the last paragraph... I think it may be true.​

I just added you to a group I started several months ago.  I think you will find it interesting.  It’s only purpose is to point to silence as s doorway to what the Sages are pointing to – the thought-free state of no-mind.  There’s a pinned post that explains the guidelines if you would like to post something... otherwise, it’s just worthwhile to enjoy the quotes...

Moi:  Not sure how the group thing works nowadaze on Facebook.  Just found a page full of invites I'd never spotted before. Does the one you started have a name an/or link?

Joseph:  ‘Maha Mauna’ (Great Silence)

Moi:  Not finding it on my group invite list. Maybe get me the link.

Just uploaded the PDF of this year's first six months.

The Unfolding Next Round (Updated Quarterly)
http://www.thestillnessbeforetime.com/theunfoldingnextround.pdf

Joseph:  It’s funny, it’s saying ‘something went wrong’ and cannot add you right now ... who knows ... I’ll try again later or you can just search for the group ‘Maha Mauna’.

Thanks for the link to your next upload ... I’ll take a look.​

Moi:  Found it and accepted the request.  Had left off the (Great Silence) part when I was searching before.

Maha Mauna (Great Silence)

Looks good, thanks!

Joseph:  You may find inspiration for future topics/writings ... very respectful group ... no bickering or debating ... not even dialoguing ... it’s a private group and I just invite people I think might appreciate it ... enjoy.​

Moi:  Ever run across this one?

Sarlo's Guru Rating Service
http://www3.telus.net/public/sarlo/Ratings.htm

Joseph:  No, I don't think I’ve seen this one ... I saw one similar to it though … I think it was called Guru Ratings?

It says that the search function was 'discontinued' ... that makes it a little difficult to navigate.

Moi:  Haven't looked at Sarlo's site for quite a while.  He covers a lot of ground. Lots of names of all the players, plus and minus.  There might be some other websites out there doing the same thing, but this is the only one I'm aware of.

What's amazing is how much of this sort of thing is out there, which is the big reason I don't put any big effort on pushing my stuff.  Whatever redeeming value it has will have to grow its own legs.  The proof is in the pudding, so to speak.

In case you haven't seen it, this was one of the many things put together when I was a full-fledged Facebook junkie in the not too long ago.  Links too all sorts of things if you scroll down the timeline a bit.

Michael's Little Warehouse of All Things Amusing, Absurd & Profound
http://www.facebook.com/note.php?note_id=390323775911

Joseph:  Thanks Michael, I thought I saw it awhile back but I’ll take another look.​

* * * *
Back and forth with Joseph McMahon on a follow-up to a previous conversation:

Hey, Joseph, a little edit on one of the above:

The universe is a quantum matrix; a timeless, indivisible, indelible, vibratory theater.
Every life form has its own unique relationship with its enigmatic mystery.
In humankind, it is through the eyes that the mind discerns light;
Ears, sound; tongue, taste; nose, smell; flesh, touch.
What would your cosmos, your world, be,
With even one or two or three less, much less all.

Joseph:  Hi, Michael, when I first read this (in your book?) I felt the last sentence was a little awkward for me to read - even though this may not be what you changed ... when I reread the last sentence, I whispered to myself at the end of the sentence ‘What would your cosmos, your world be, with with one or two or three less, much less all (of these)’.​

The writing is consistent with your ability to speak about the unspeakable (which I truly enjoy).

Moi:  Scroll up a bit. It was a rewrite of one that I wrote a few nights back at the 4th of July fireworks show.

Joseph:  Okay yes, I see it … you expanded on it a bit.​

Moi:  This sort of thing blurs together.  Can't imagine trying to even get through the just over 4,800 pages that have drip-drip-dripped out in the last not quite 30 years, much less remember where anything is located.

Joseph:  I don’t know how you do it.  You definitely have a talent for it.

Moi:  Whether it be writing, music, painting, dance, architecture, science, athletics, cooking, war, or any other art, we are all receiving units for whatever calls us, is how I've come to see it.  And for some, it's just a bar stool or a couch.

Joseph:  Yes, I agree, I feel the urge to share but I also intuit that it’s not quite done yet ... ​the understanding is not abiding ... ​the problem with this orientation though, is that one may keep saying this until they drop the body ... ​this is the rub with waiting to be ‘done’ ... ​no end to seeking the ‘finish’ line.​

Moi:  If there is a finish line, will you know when you pass it? Or care?

Joseph:  No, the finish line will evaporate with the irreversible abidance ... One doesn’t know that one does or doesn’t know ... ​Or cares.​

Moi:  It never having been a race or contest of any sort, but more of a conundrum that required no solution.

Joseph:  Yes, I’m playing with the idea that maybe I’m just playing (as the Self) ... I usually just wind up in silence when I contemplate waiting or manifesting... even though I recognize that ‘I’ ‘do’ nothing … a conundrum indeed.​

Moi:  Sometimes we are a human being playing Self, and other times Self playing a human being.

An article my cousin Steve sent:

Generation wealth: how the modern world fell in love with money
https://www.theguardian.com/global/2018/jul/08/generation-wealth-how-the-modern-world-fell-in-love-with-money

And my response:

The road of excess leads to the palace of wisdom.  You never know what is enough until you know what is more than enough ~ William Blake

BrainyQuote: Greed
https://www.brainyquote.com/search_results?q=greed

Joseph:  Yes, I can see (in my own experience) how it can feel like that when the mind is moving ... and yet silence does not admit of anything whatsoever... I seem to have touched something beyond all language, all ideas, all movement of mind, and it is difficult for me to entertain any ideas that I know what this display is.​

It sounds worse than it actually is ... ​when the fear that arises when the mind is stopped ceases ... ​
then this no-mind can be touched and there is not such a strong attachment to move with the movement of mind ... ​But this can feel sort of empty ... ​dead one moment, blissful the next.​

Moi:  I can't imagine that we all don't have moments where we're more attuned than others.  The trick is not to bother about it.  As Krishnamurti used to say, if you find yourself not paying attention, pay attention to the inattention.  A couple favorite Rumi quotes: Out beyond ideas of wrong-doing and right-doing, there is a field. I will meet you there.  When the soul lies down in that grass, the world is too full to talk about. Language, ideas, even the phrase each other, doesn't make any sense.  And the other:  You are not a drop in the ocean.  You are the entire ocean in a drop.

Off to the gym for some pool time. Good chatting. Ciao, ciao.

Joseph:  Peace, thanks for the dialogue.​

* * * *
Facebook Messenger Conversations with Debbie Mason-Peterson about Esther Squire's suicide in September 2014, sent to Kathy Vierra-Marchant in July 2016, and to Marci Wentzell in December 2016.  All are alumni from the Hughson Union High School Class of ‘72:

Hughson Union High School Class of '72

Final Exit and Related Links

-----
Hey, Marcia,

Here's the cut and paste of the Facebook conversations with Debbie that began when Esther took her life.  It starts when Debbie first hears about it, and concludes soon after the memorial in October.

-----
September 19, 2014
9/19, 5:17pm
Debbie Mason-Peterson

Have you heard about Esther???

9/19, 5:19pm
Michael Holshouser

No, what's going on?

9/19, 5:20pm
Debbie Mason-Peterson

Her friend, Betty, called me.  The Sheriff called Betty, and Esther has passed.

I can't stop crying, Mike, I'm shaking all over.

I can't believe this.

9/19, 5:21pm
Michael Holshouser

What happened?

9/19, 5:22pm
Debbie Mason-Peterson

They wouldn't tell Betty the details because she isn't family.

I talk to Esther everyday, and I know she has a lot of problems going on, but none of seemed this bad!

9/19, 5:24pm
Michael Holshouser

She's definitely been down in the dumps.

9/19, 5:24pm
Debbie Mason-Peterson

I'm trying to get ahold of her sister and kids, but I don't have their numbers.

9/19, 5:25pm
Michael Holshouser

All I can suggest is the Marble Quarry website.

9/19, 5:26pm
Debbie Mason-Peterson

Yes, and so have I, so we have been there for each other. I can't believe she thought it was all so bad that she had to do this.

Her and I have been there for each other. Sorry, I'm so nervous, I can't type.

9/19, 5:28pm
Michael Holshouser

I guess she was just so tired of struggling with family and work. Just didn't want to start over.

I'm actually about to head over to the coast with a friend for a few days, so I need to shut things down and move on. I'm really sorry Esther is no longer with us. She will be missed. Keep me posted as you find out more details.

9/19, 5:38pm
Debbie Mason-Peterson

Okay, Michael, I'll keep you informed.

September 20, 2014
9/20, 8:19am
Michael Holshouser

Wish we could have done more for her.

September 20, 2014
9/20, 2:29pm
Debbie Mason-Peterson

Michael, she killed herself with helium. She told me you told her about it.

9/20, 3:49pm
Michael Holshouser

We'd talked about that sort of thing, but I didn't realize that she was that depressed about things to actually do it.

9/20, 3:50pm
Debbie Mason-Peterson

I didn't, either, Michael! I'm devastated and shocked beyond words.

9/20, 3:52pm
Michael Holshouser

She will be missed, that's for sure.

Are you in touch with her family?

9/20, 3:55pm
Debbie Mason-Peterson

Yes I've been in touch with her sister, Julie, only.

9/20, 3:55pm
Michael Holshouser

What's she saying?

9/20, 3:56pm
Debbie Mason-Peterson

They're all very devastated. The kids went to the jail to tell Colby today.

9/20, 4:00pm
Michael Holshouser

What a thing to go through.

Wonder how Brent is feeling?

9/20, 4:04pm
Debbie Mason-Peterson

I've talked to him, and he's not doing real good, either. He said he cried all night.

9/20, 4:05pm
Michael Holshouser

I imagine they will all be wishing they'd paid more attention.

9/20, 4:06pm
Debbie Mason-Peterson

Her kids should have reached out more but they were stubborn.

9/20, 4:08pm
Michael Holshouser

It's sad that they were all so unsupportive. I think she just felt so alone.

She'd given so much to all of them, and when she needed help, nothing. Or at least that how she seemed to perceive it.

9/20, 4:12pm
Debbie Mason-Peterson

She did, Michael!

9/20, 4:16pm
Michael Holshouser

And to have to start all over, I think she just ran out of steam.

9/20, 4:20pm
Debbie Mason-Peterson

I just talked to Mark Hollingsworth and told him.

She kept telling me she felt trapped and doomed.

9/20, 4:23pm
Michael Holshouser

Very sad.

9/20, 5:50pm
Michael Holshouser

It's a telling thing that none of her family have her Facebook page friended.

9/20, 5:51pm
Debbie Mason-Peterson

Esther removed them all herself.

Probably about a week and a half ago.

She told me that she was done with them.

9/20, 5:59pm
Michael Holshouser

What an amazing thing that all her struggling for her children came to such a bitter end. So sad.

9/20, 6:00pm
Debbie Mason-Peterson

I know it, Michael, and it shouldn't have!

I still can't believe this is true. I can just see her and I together having lunch or dinner. I had so much planned for us to do in the future. I'm so terribly sick inside.

Her kids should have nurtured and cared for their mother I'm pretty upset with them.

9/20, 6:06pm
Michael Holshouser

Hard to fathom how they failed her. Can't imagine ever doing such a thing to my mother, that's for sure.

9/20, 6:07pm
Debbie Mason-Peterson

Me, neither!

September 21, 2014
9/21, 9:31pm
Debbie Mason-Peterson

Hi, Mike, do you have Marcia Wentzell's phone number?

9/21, 9:44pm
Michael Holshouser

Don't know if they're still current, but here's what I have.

Phones: (509) 675-2856 and (209) 529-9673

Email: Marcia Wentzell <mark.eye@hotmail.com>

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/marcia.wentzell?fref=ts

So, what's the latest? Sounds like there's going to be a memorial sometime soon. Any details?

9/21, 9:45pm
Debbie Mason-Peterson

I don't know any details yet. Waiting to hear from Julie.

Thank you, Mike. I'll try calling her tomorrow. Thank you.

The area code 509 might be current!

The family is waiting for the autopsy to be completed, and then they can make plans.  That's what I heard last.

September 22, 2014
9/22, 8:02am
Michael Holshouser

They seem to be using her Facebook page to make announcements, so I'll be watching that. Keep me posted if you hear anything else. Thanks.

September 22, 2014
9/22, 1:06pm
Debbie Mason-Peterson

I will, Mike..

September 25, 2014
9/25, 8:38pm
Debbie Mason-Peterson

Michael, did you see Esther at all last Thursday? Was she at Starbucks in Turlock?

9/25, 9:26pm
Michael Holshouser

We talked a couple times on the phone in the days before. I offered to pay the money she owed to get it off her credit report, so that she could apply for a government job some friend had told her about. She at first said yes, but then later sent a thanks-but-no-thanks email. I was headed off for a trip to the coast and emailed back for her to think on it, that we could talk about it more over coffee when I got back the following week.

Please keep this between you and me if you can manage it. Let's let her rest in peace, and not create a larger drama for the family and all concerned. I'm only telling you this because I know she talked to you a great deal about all the things that happened for her to reach this fateful decision You were a great friend to her, and I'm sure she appreciated all you tried to do to help. But in the end, she felt so alone, so abandoned by her family, and just didn't have the steam to start over.

Anywho, that's how it came down from my point of view. So incredibly sad. Makes for a heavy heart that we didn't/couldn't do more.

And as I said, please keep this between you and me.

Take care,

M

9/25, 9:30pm
Debbie Mason-Peterson

She told me about borrowing money from you, and she said you were going to let her know if you could lend it to her. She said you called back and said you couldn't lend the money at this time, but she was fine with it.

9/25, 9:33pm
Michael Holshouser

Nope, I was all set to head over to get a cashier's check at Tri Counties Bank. All I needed to know from her was who to make it out to.

9/25, 9:34pm
Debbie Mason-Peterson

Yes, I agree with you that we should move on and try to remember our sweet lovely friend, Esther, and cherish our time we had with her. I won't say anything about what we talked about because it has no benefit to anyone. There are some things her family doesn't need to know.

9/25, 9:34pm
Michael Holshouser

They'll be dealing with this for the rest of their lives.

9/25, 9:36pm
Debbie Mason-Peterson

I don't know why she didn't tell me the truth, but I guess she thought about it and decided not to borrow. I don't know what was really in her head, and I thought I did.

9/25, 9:38pm
Michael Holshouser

I imagine she was probably going back and forth and forth on what to do. Not an easy thing to let go. I'm sure we can forgive the little fibs along the way ... :)

9/25, 9:41pm
Debbie Mason-Peterson

I will keep our conversation private, Michael, I promise. The only reason I asked if you saw Esther last Thursday is because she texted me and said she was driving around Turlock, so I thought of you and thought maybe you had coffee with her or talked to her.

9/25, 9:43pm
Michael Holshouser

Nope, no coffee time, alas.

9/25, 9:46pm
Debbie Mason-Peterson

I am so sad she decided to do this, Michael. I am still very much in shock.

9/25, 9:48pm
Michael Holshouser

I don't imagine we'll ever quite understand all the things that were going through her mind.

Time to hit the sack at this end, so g'night.

And thanks for keeping mum on things.

9/25, 9:49pm
Debbie Mason-Peterson

Good night, Michael, and mums the word!!!

September 26, 2014
9/26, 2:59am
Michael Holshouser

Woke up for a bit, and while waiting for the sleeping pill to kick in, it occurred to me that the reason Esther didn't tell you about my offer of financial aid was because I had asked not to tell anyone. Prefer to keep my boy scout attempts anonymous, so her white lie to you was merely her keeping her promise to me.

9/26, 3:25am
Debbie Mason-Peterson

Hey, me too.  Thanks for explaining it to me. I don't care that she lied and that's okay. I just didn't want her to leave like this I had plans for us to do things and maybe go places! She has really broken my heart.

September 26, 2014
9/26, 7:31am
Michael Holshouser

She will be missed.

October 11, 2014
10/11, 3:56pm
Michael Holshouser

Hey, Deb, just thought I'd check in and see how you're doing. It was a good turnout yesterday, a real cross-section of all the lives Esther touched. Wish she could have seen it before letting go.

10/11, 3:58pm
Debbie Mason-Peterson

I'm okay, Michael, thank you! I know this has hit me hard, and I just know it will take some time to get past it. I can't imagine life without her. We were very close.

10/11, 4:01pm
Michael Holshouser

You two were definitely close. She's left a big hole for a lot of us, that's for sure. I imagine her family is really feeling it, big-time. A lot of regrets and second-guessing going on across the board, no doubt.

10/11, 4:04pm
Debbie Mason-Peterson

Yea, I'm sure there is a lot of second-guessing going on, and there should be because I knew all of Esther's hurts, emotions, and all her situations.

10/11, 4:09pm
Michael Holshouser

I knew quite a bit, too, and I'm sure you knew even more. Wonder how the family dynamic will play out in the times to come. Except maybe for David in the once and awhile, I doubt I'll ever have much contact with Ralph or any of the kids. Esther was really the main connection.

10/11, 4:12pm
Debbie Mason-Peterson

I was leaning on Esther she was a rock for me. She helped me a lot. I didn't know she would even consider doing this!

10/11, 4:16pm
Michael Holshouser

I would have thought she would at least stick around for her grandkids, but I guess she just was tired of struggling to keep her head above water, and didn't want to start over. She had spent her life giving and giving to everyone else, and was running on empty, exhausted.

It's always important to take time to replenish yourself.

10/11, 4:18pm
Debbie Mason-Peterson

I know I can't imagine her life being so bad that she had to make it final.

10/11, 4:20pm
Michael Holshouser

I'm wondering at this point how much of it was chemical. Was she taking any medication? Someone mentioned something about Prozac, but I never heard her mention it. Wonder if something might have helped.

10/11, 4:21pm
Debbie Mason-Peterson

She wasn't taking Prozac. I was trying to get her to go to the doctor and get Prozac or something but she wouldn't.

10/11, 4:23pm
Michael Holshouser

I didn't really think about suggesting it, but I think she was so against drugs that I doubt she would have listened to me, either.

10/11, 4:24pm
Debbie Mason-Peterson

I'm recently on Prozac and she knew it. She told me that she would wait and see how I do on it. I've taken before and it helps.

I so badly wanted to help her, and I tried very hard but she had her mind closed to getting past her problems.

10/11, 4:27pm
Michael Holshouser

It's just challenging to get the right medication and the right dosage. It's a process figuring it all out, and I guess she just didn't have the money or patience to consider giving it a shot. Like I said, she just ran out of steam for living.

We both did our best for her – certainly more than her family as far as we know – and have nothing to feel guilty about as far as I'm concerned.

10/11, 4:30pm
Debbie Mason-Peterson

She was on Medi-Cal so it wouldn't cost her anything. I told her I would go with her. She just said she hated Medi-Cal.

10/11, 4:32pm
Michael Holshouser

I didn't know that. Too bad she didn't give it a shot.

10/11, 4:32pm
Debbie Mason-Peterson

She should have!!!

She was stubborn.

I have a family situation today.  My sister is threatening suicide.

She is really messed up. I used to talk to Esther about her.

10/11, 4:35pm
Michael Holshouser

Esther was probably as stubborn as anybody I've ever known ... :)

Is there anything you can do to help your family member?

10/11, 4:39pm
Debbie Mason-Peterson

Since our family lost Eddie and my dad, she has alienated herself from the family. She's been horribly mean to my mom. She thinks everyone is against her. She is a huge into drama and starting family drama. She's smoked pot all her life and still does, she's on meth, she's addicted to Vicodin and she drinks alcohol. She a mess and she chooses to stay away from her family: my mom, brother and me. She blames us for her actions. I texted her husband and told him, and she texted me back and told me to leave him alone.

10/11, 4:45pm
Michael Holshouser

Sounds pretty darned rough. A life of pot-smoking and meth pretty much wrecks the mind beyond help in my experience. Doesn't sound like there's much you can do except try to protect your mother as much as possible. They say blood is thicker than water, but I say it ain't that much thicker. Esther's clan has proven that, that's for sure.

10/11, 4:49pm
Debbie Mason-Peterson

Yea, Mike, my sister is a real piece of work. I texted her husband and asked him if someone should call 911.  Well, he didn't respond to me, and my sister text me a few minutes later and said to leave him alone. I told her I take suicide accusations serious. So they can deal with it.  Dammit!

10/11, 4:54pm
Michael Holshouser

Not much you can do if she won't accept help in my thinking. You could maybe get her 5150-ed at the county psych unit, but that's probably only going to make her more angry than she already is. Pretty rough dealing with irrational behavior. I'm to the point where I just 86 anybody who abuses me. Time is short and getting shorter every second in this life, and I've got no need for anyone who can't behave in a civil manner.

10/11, 4:58pm
Michael Holshouser

Behavioral Health and Recovery Services

10/11, 5:05pm
Debbie Mason-Peterson

Yea she's beyond help those are my feelings. If she has to commit suicide I can't stop her. Now she's really mad because I was concerned. I told her to deal with her suicidal thoughts with her husband I give up!

10/11, 5:09pm
Michael Holshouser

Sounds right to me. I certainly wouldn't have much patience for it if it was my sister.

One thing I was wondering about yesterday, is if Colby was released from prison to come to the memorial?

10/11, 5:12pm
Debbie Mason-Peterson

Colby wasn't there yesterday.

10/11, 5:14pm
Michael Holshouser

Didn't really know more than a couple of the kids, mainly through Facebook pics, so I wasn't sure.

10/11, 5:16pm
Debbie Mason-Peterson

Yea, I noticed yesterday that Garrett was crying so hard, but the girls didn't show any emotion.

I know we all grieve differently.  I cried all the way through the service.  I just felt so empty.

10/11, 5:22pm
Michael Holshouser

I wonder if the girls were just looking to blame someone besides themselves.

10/11, 5:23pm
Debbie Mason-Peterson

They always appeared like they blamed their mom. It made me furious.

10/11, 5:28pm
Michael Holshouser

Well, as you said she de-friended them all a week or two before, so I guess she made it clear what she thought of them by the end. Sad, considering how many times she used to say how "family was everything." Did she de-friend them all, or just a few of them?

10/11, 5:29pm
Debbie Mason-Peterson

All of them.

10/11, 5:29pm
Michael Holshouser

Wow, boggling.

Like I said in an earlier conversation, I can't imagine deserting my mom.

10/11, 5:30pm
Debbie Mason-Peterson

Me neither, Mike!

10/11, 5:35pm
Michael Holshouser

Well, time for me to head out to dinner with a friend. Good chatting with you. Go easy on yourself. Like I said, we're not the ones who have to carry any guilt over Esther's decision. We did what we could.

Keep in mind these two Marcel Proust quotes I posted on the Class of '72 page:

Let us be grateful to the people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.

People do not die for us immediately, but remain bathed in a sort of aura of life which bears no relation to true immortality but through which they continue to occupy our thoughts in the same way as when they were alive. It is as though they were traveling abroad.

Ciao, ciao, for now.

M

10/11, 5:40pm
Debbie Mason-Peterson

Thank you, Michael. I appreciate your kindness! Talk to you soon.

October 11, 2014
10/11, 9:16pm
Michael Holshouser

Take care.

10/11, 9:17pm
Debbie Mason-Peterson

You, too!

October 12, 2014
10/12, 8:38am
Michael Holshouser

Thought of two other questions this morning.

Was Brent at the memorial?

And was Esther really a Christian? It was nothing she ever talked about with me, so I'm wondering if she was, or if it was the kids putting on a show to make themselves feel better.

10/12, 9:05am
Debbie Mason-Peterson

Brent was at the funeral.  He came and sat with my mom and I.

We talked about it once recently. She wasn't sure how she believed. She wasn't sure if there really was a God or heaven. She didn't attend church.

10/12, 9:09am
Michael Holshouser

That matches much better with my view of her thinking on such things.

Only met Brent once, way back when I ran into Esther at the La Grange Rodeo, I think before they were married. Barely remember what he looks like. Another of Esther's many struggles.

​-----​
And this was Kathy Vierra-Marchant's response after I sent the text above to her back in July:

It was good talking to you, too. That chat was long overdue on my part because I think I told you that after Esther's death I wanted to have a chat. At that time, it was mainly going to consist of q's Debbie had. And that looks like that was covered anyway with the texts you just sent me. She was the last one to talk to Esther!! I remember now,  she told me that Esther was driving around Turlock and Debbie was trying to get her to come over to her place, or she would even come to Turlock. She was very adamant with me at the time that you may have assisted Esther. And I said, well, if you think so why don't you ask him yourself!!  You see the thing with Debbie, she just keeps issues going on and on and on. I told her soooo many times, to move on and let shit go. Your responses to her in all those texts, were spot on. I could not have responded any better. You are great with words. You know, the funny thing is, Esther told me was that Debbie drove her nuts too with all the Robin/Debbie drama. She told me that a few weeks before she died. I would never tell Debbie that because I think they had a good friendship. It was just something we shared and had in common and found out we weren't being insensitive to Debbie, but Jesus H Christ, we were both so done talking about it. Hey I have to get. Haven't accomplished much today. Clock’s ticking!

* * * *
Back and forth with cousin Steve on an article he sent:​

Silicon Valley insiders revealed that Facebook, Snapchat, and Twitter are using 'behavioural cocaine' to turn people into addicts

Moi:  But hasn't every commercial enterprise since trade first began, worked hard to addict their customers to whatever product was being sold?  Maybe the online world is more effective, more intense, but it's nothing new in my thinking.  It still falls back on the individual to reign in their own mind and body.  No one is forcing anyone to drink the Kool-Aid.

Steve:  Problem is they're reading your email, text messages, and listening to your phone calls … and using that to do this.

Moi:  No worries, I'm not that interesting, and they're not going to get anything out of my wallet that I don't want to spend.

* * * *
Back and forth with Ninos David on an article he sent:​

Who is Mexico's Andrés Manuel López Obrador?

​Moi:  ​Sounds like a Mexican version of Bernie Sanders.  We'll see if they let him live.
Ninos:  ​That is the question!


* * * *
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* * * *


More soon ... Of that there can be little doubt for as long as these mortal lungs are still drawing air … So stay tuned, you Wascally Wabbit.